My 21-year-old daughter went to an Orlando party hosted by a work friend this summer, and the rebel flag was a hot topic, or as hot as a topic can get when multiple beers precede conversation. Many partiers, to my daughter’s dismay, made points that boiled down to black blame. Things are fine the way they are, and if there’s a problem today, it’s a fake one. Insults, many times, were hurled at a specific black advocate that they assume speaks for an entire race.

I asked my daughter if she said anything, if she disagreed with these people. She said, “No. It wouldn’t do any good. They wouldn’t have changed their minds.”

And she’s right. These people would not have changed, and political arguments are party buzz kill. But uncontested bigotry – that quiet acceptance of discrimination within the white ranks – empowers racism to continue.

I suspect every white person – I’m 90 percent German with blue eyes – has experienced this. Another white person assumes we’re in an exclusive club where we talk in whispers about the threats around us. At first it takes us by surprise. Then we’re put off. Then we artistically shut down the conversation and wait for this delusional bigot to go away.

But here’s the thing: By saying nothing, we allow bigotry to continue. We allow these people to read Facebook friends’ feeds, watch slanted news and believe that they reflect the opinion of whites in general.

Charleston, S.C., church shooter Dylann Roof felt certain that a black church killing would start a race war. I wonder how he feels now that his action led South Carolina to remove the rebel flag. Is he shocked to discover that most whites don’t agree?

So we must say something.

We won’t change opinions with a word, phrase or well-organized argument. Perhaps, however, we can nudge them. We can let bigots know their opinion isn’t universal with a simple retort: “I don’t feel that way.” There’s no need to follow up, and there’s no shame in “I really don’t want to talk about it here” if you’re pushed for more and doing so is a recipe for disaster.

But we need to start saying, “I don’t feel that way.” If not, we give bigotry permission to continue

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men should do nothing.” – John Burke, 1729 –1797

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