People stereotype people all the time. That’s okay. The next step is more important: What do they do with that stereotype?

Imagine a party. One thirty-something man wears a blue suit and red tie. An Asian twenty-something woman sports a headband and 1960s bellbottoms. An older white guy wears black leather and carries a motorcycle helmet. A young guy has a tight T-shirt stabbed with an “I love Beyonce” button. By sizing up clothes, hair and manners, we have immediate insight into who these people are. If you’re gay, you may feel an immediate camaraderie with the Beyonce guy. If in business, you sidle up to the man in the suit.

Now imagine that same party but appearance means nothing. You’re blank. One person heads First Federal Bank and you hope to schmooze a bit, but how to find him? You must now go person-to-person. You ask the bell-bottomed woman; you ask the leather-clad man. They don’t know because they don’t stereotype either.

We stereotype to survive.

What’s not okay: Assuming the guy in the suit is an ass because we hate business people. Or assuming the guy with the motorcycle helmet belongs to a gang. Or assuming the bell-bottomed woman is easy because she’s channeling the era of free love.

What’s worse: Assuming you stereotyped correctly and, in the face of contradictory facts, refuse to let first impressions go.

We want to be stereotyped

Some things cannot be changed, like the color of skin. But humans pick clothes they like, wear hairstyles that reflect their personality and use speech that reflects their origin. In a party of strangers, it’s a unique joy to talk with someone who clicks – who thinks as we think. We wear the uniforms of our personality to help others find us, and we hope others will do the same to help us find them. It’s no coincidence businessmen wear suits. They find each other.

Problems arise when stereotypes become truths – when we stop seeing appearances as a clue and start seeing them as proof.

The guy in the suit may have misread the party invitation. The woman in bellbottoms thought it was a costume party of “your favorite decade.” The guy with the motorcycle helmet is Malcolm Forbes. Maybe you’ve never, ever ever met a guy in a business suit that wasn’t a self-serving dick. Maybe this is your first one. You won’t know that unless you challenge your stereotype.

Our stereotypes make us stronger up to the point where they make us weaker.

Stereotype – but don’t judge.

© 2015 Smithtakes.com